My Why…

I know what it’s like to feel depressed.  To feel alone.  To feel unwanted.  Feel unloved. To not feel chosen.  To feel like I don’t matter to anyone.  Like I’m not a priority in anyone’s life.  To not have my boundaries respected.  I know what it’s like to be shut up.  To not be heard.  To be put down.  To have people not just try to dim my light, but try to put it out completely.  To have people add more to the challenges.  To have low self-esteem.  To know my worth and value, but not believe other people see my worth and value.  I know what it’s like to yearn for a healthy relationship.  I cry every time I see a Father and Daughter have a great relationship, because I’m so happy for them, and so sad for me.  Or when I see a family with Step Parents that are total Bonus Parents that love the children as their own.  (A Bonus is always a good thing).  Neither of my stepparents wanted me or accepted me.  Neither of my parents protected me or defended me.  It was made clear that I don’t belong anywhere.  So, when I see these beautiful moments I cry because those people don’t have to go through what I went through, because they get to be surrounded by love, and feel safe, and I feel so happy for them.  But I also know what it’s like to heal all that. To stay strong and hopeful through the difficult times.  To get myself out of depression.  To bring my self-esteem to a healthy level.  To be emotionally mature. To not project my past or feelings on to others. To be self-aware. How to be supportive. To communicate effectively. To choose myself. To (what I call) therapise myself. To be self-aware and mindful. To love toxic people who don't respect boundaries from a distance.  To own my voice.  To speak up anyway.  That if someone doesn’t see my worth and value it doesn’t take away from my worth and value.  I am still very worthy and valuable.  I can’t do anything about the past, but I can do something about the present and the future.  I know what a healthy relationship is.  I know what not to do.  I may not have a great relationship with my parents, but my Children can have a healthy relationship with their Parents.  I know what it is to be with the Love of My Life and what it is to be the Love of His Life. To be the Love of EachOther’s Lives.  To be with someone that wants to be with me as much as I want to be with him.  How to be a family. How to be a [Bonus] Mom.

And so, I love even more (in a healthy way), because of how much I’ve hurt.  The saying “misery loves company.” I don’t want company in the hurt.  I want better for other people.  And I will say things over and over until you believe and know you are worthy of your heart’s desires.

So, if I can help other people have a better experience or learn how to cope with the cards they’ve been dealt or to not let those things stop them from living their life to the fullest.  To help guide them to navigate through healing the hurts, wounds, and pains from their past, so they can move forward happily, and have their own version of Happily Ever After, whatever that looks like for them.  To be their authentic selves and feel liberated.

I also know how to adapt to people.  Just because I had these experiences, and someone else has similar feelings, doesn’t mean their healing journey is the same as mine.  I’ve always been very intuitive my whole life.  Even as a child adults would confide things in me that they should be talking to an adult instead.  I’ve always been very emotionally mature and intelligent. 

God has a purpose for me.  This is part of His purpose for me.  He’s been preparing me for this my whole life.  Why do I do this? Because it comes naturally to me.  And if something comes this naturally to you, there’s a reason.